Watch out not watching

Shall not we let them to lure us by their fascination.

For, we are well-apprised of Esfandiar's end.

I am not gonna give my collar to anyone or anything.

I do not shut my eyes instead I slay them.

unforgettable commitment

هر چه گفتیم جز حکایت دوست

در همه عمر از آن پشیمانیم

Nothing makes a pulse

I have found when you do not make a deep thought of something you are not getting a feeling.

It is like when you are steadily balanced.

BUT, do not get it wrong! This is not an equilibrium!

You must be afraid of it IF you are not feeling happy and you are not willing to think about something deeply.

It is the time when they say you are enmeshed in tedium.

Be careful, as you may live like a dead-heart person.

God helps who moves

مرا سفر به کجا می‌برد؟

کجا نشان قدم ناتمام خواهد ماند؟

و بند کفش به انگشت‌های نرم فراغت گشوده خواهد شد؟

One day I will be told your obligation is now satisfied,

This is inevitable.

BUT, will I be satisfied in that moment too?

Alas, this is not guaranteed!

Which makes me too restless and insecure.

How vulnerable I feel,

And concomitantly sanguine;

Because nothing is written,

And I am determined to write my own destine.

کی اسفندیار رو به کشتن داد؟

رستم و اسفندیار

نبرد تراژیک دو مرد

هیچ وقت دلم برای کسی اینطور نگرفته بود که برای اسفندیار گرفت

...سیه شد جهان پیش آن نامدار

خم آورد بالای سرو سهی...

نگون شد سر شاه یزدان‌پرست...

و بعد:

چو اسفندیاری که از بهر دین - به مردی برآهیخت شمشیر کین

جهان کرد پاک از بد بت‌پرست - به بد کار هرگز نیازید دست

به روز جوانی هلاک آمدش - سر تاجور سوی خاک آمدش

و بعد:

بدی را کزو هست گیتی به درد - پر آزار از او جان آزاد مرد

و بعد اینجا حکمت رو میگه که اسفندیار در حقیقت به خاطر چی کشته میشه:

که نفرین برین تاج و این تخت باد - بدین کوشش بیش و این بخت باد

که چو تو سواری دلیر و جوان - سرافراز و دانا و روشن روان

بدین سان شود کشته در کارزار - به زاری سرآید بر او روزگار

که مه تاج بادا و مه تخت شاه - مه گشتاسپ و جاماسپ و آن بارگاه

همه جنگ‌های دنیا به خاطر دو کلمه حرف هستش که سران پیر دو قوم یا دو ملت یا دو کشور با هم کنار نمیان و جوان‌‌ها رو دقیقا مثل سرباز شطرنج میفرستن جلو. به خاطر قدرت‌ همه رو به فنا میدن. همه رو به جون هم میندازن. نزدیک به 100 میلیون تلفات جنگ جهانی دوم به خاطر چی بود؟ اینایی که کشته شدن با هم دعوا داشتن یا دعوا بین هیتلر و استالین و چرچیل و هیروهیتو و روزولت و امثال پیرهای کثیفی مثل خودشون بود؟

نجنگ. تفنگ رو بذار زمین برادر. بذار اون دو پیر احمق که با هم توافق نمیتونن بکنن همدیگه رو بکشن چرا من و تو؟ ما که اصلا حتی اسم همدیگه رو هم نشنیدیم! ما که دعوایی نداریم!

ما فقط یادمون مونده که رستم بود که اسفندیار رو کشت. برادر هرگز فراموش نکن که کی اسفندیار رو به رزم رستم فرستاد و در حقیقت به کشتن داد.

Just take 5 minutes to think about it

There are two stages in us to become human: 

1. The time when we had not been created yet.

There were other creatures, we are not aware of them.

2. The time when we were created.

We were added to the others.

The first stage is badly mysterious.

Were we gonna be created? If yes, WHY? What was the reason?

If no, WHY were we created later? For what purpose?

Have we been created on a purpose or because of a reason? Or both? Or just for fun? Or as an accident?

Think about it that you were created to fulfill a task for your creator!

Or, that, you were created because something had happened earlier and caused you to exist. You are an effect of something. Don't you wanna know what has caused you to exist?

I have been told a lie

Once I thought of this poem as one of the happiest

و همه می‌دانیم که ریه‌های لذت پر اکسیژن مرگ است

(And we all know that the lungs of pleasure are filled with death oxygen)

It took time to finally understand it

Joy is dying; when it is living when it is at its summit

Happiness is not a lie but living in happiness is a lie

When you are happy you know it you feel it it is easy, hmm?

But can you say what is happiness? So, how are you gonna get it, live in it?

در محضر درد

گاه تنهایی صورتش را به پس پنجره می‌چسبانید.

After taking TOEFL at-Home

First I went to a hotel to do this =) so for me it'd be at-hotel =))

Reading was almost as difficult as I expected and I got 29 out of 30.

BUT the listening. When I was practicing I realized that I have a serious problem in listening not only in English rather even in Persian! The fact is I do not listen at all =)) My mind wanders and does not stop and focus on the thing that my ears are receiving =)) So I got that my problem was not related to the ability of understanding English lectures or conversation; I'm not gonna brag but I have already finished Friends, after all!

The plan I had made was to train my brain to focus on the inputs receiving in my ears =)) After days of training I got that skill too ^_^

However, it was not enough; Why? Because you have to steel yourself for any unfairness to happen as they happened for me, unfortunately =|

The first conversation went well, and I was in the middle of the first lecture where the bumpkin proctor began to talk with me! Believe it? At first I thought I was wrong and it's an illusion but he kept interfering with the lecture! He was really an asinine goon. I yelled at him I am listening to the lecture why are you interfering... Said, tilt your screen, after taking about 20-30 seconds of the lecture. You guessed, huh? Yeah, I lost the track of the lecture and worse than that I lost my control over the test.

Look, a lecture has got 6 questions and you can not afford to lose more than one question of it which in my case I lost all of it and got 23 out of 30 in the listening section. While I was in a terrible situation the speaking section came to the screen without a minimum pause. I knew I had to focus so the only thing that I was thinking about was: hey focus; which in turn deteriorated my nervousness resulted in an unsatisfying reply to the first speaking question. After that I got myself and other things together and crushed the three remaining questions in the section.

Wish it was the only jinx but it turned out that he had to interfere once more. This time in the middle of listening to the lecture in writing section. You know you must listen to the lecturer and find his opinion about a passage and then write about their opinion showing how the lecturer refutes the passage. The lecturer was about to say his third reason against the passage that BANG again this stupid boy came to scene and mumbled something that I did not understand. You may know about them, they are commonly from India and their accent is not clear. However, this time I got my back up and told him you ruined my test. Again, he said tilt your screen and went. I do not know why he was so fixated on my screen's angle that when I'd change it for one-two degrees he'd get satisfied. To stop beating around the bush, I should say that after that happening I could not keep my shirt on any longer and uttered some f-words =)) while I could not do the task which had only 20 minutes. I was hitting to my head something that my grandma would do when she was in a disastrous state. I had lost the game! This was the only thought circulating in my head.  However, until I got myself together again, the timer was showing only 16 minutes. I said to myself I can do it even now that I did not hear what the lecturer said. Began to write. I crushed the two first arguments and for the third one I had about 7-8 minutes to think what might the professor had said. I thought just like Ikkyu-San =)) And came up with the answer that the professor should had said the subsidies do not have benefit for small farms because of blah blah blah. It was 3 minutes to finish that my screen went down! And I heard a voice, "hello". Oh My God! Not again! I said why are you doing this, why are interfering with my tasks, you ruined my test... But it was a native American not that proctor saying that you are talking to me right now and I am another guy. He said I heard some abusive language and it should not happen. I said that's because of blah blah blah and I am sorry. It's alright, said he. And tried to justify the accidents and other things. The result was that they allowed me to listen to the lecture once more time and they got me the same 3 minutes to finish the task.

I listened and enjoyed of the brightness of my reasoning since I had guessed correctly what the third argument could had been. I just added one more sentence and got over it. I wrote more than 250 words for that section, about 280 words in 16 minutes with all the nervousness and feelings of being aggrieved. Well done boy +_^

The last part was the easiest one and I wrote 187 words for it in 8 minutes.

I have already sent a complaining email to ETS about those unfair acts by the proctor hoping to revise my score in the listening section.

افزایش ظرفیت یا چی؟

گر چه ناز دل‌بران دل تازه دارد

ناز هم بر دل من اندازه دارد

آیا؟

Infertility and decades of being the stroker on life's tandem - 1

Why do my efforts end in futility? Because the captain wants it, like Warden in Shawshank? Should I break the prison by myself disregarding what I have been respecting since I saw them for the first time?

I'm thinking about Iqbal who once had a dream in which he observes himself as a follower of Hegel where Rumi comes to his dream.

There are different stories about that dream, in some of them it is Shams that comes to his dream.

The one that I like is that, Iqbal sees himself to be captive of Hegel in his dream alongside all of the universe including the sun and  suddenly he sees a light rising from the east. The light gets closer and greater while Hegel becomes smaller until nothing can be seen because of the intensity of the light. When the light becomes close enough Iqbal realizes that the light is Shams! In that moment Hegel is disappeared. It's been said, after this dream Iqbal returns to the philosophy of east and becomes a follower of Shams and write this poem, to suggest that Hegel's philosophy is abortive despite its justifiability:

گر چه فکر بکر او پیرایه بندد چون عروس - ماکیان کز زور مستی خایه بندد بی خروس

That's poor Hegel in the dream is kind of like me =)) Yeah I am Hegel =))

Am I wrong in the base? Which makes my efforts so fruitless just like Hegel's philosophy?

If it's true, what should I do? More importantly what can I do? Change everything? every thing? Is it possible? More vital, is it reasonable?

I do not know what to do.